As I sit across from my friends after my Friday college classes, we start discussing relationships. Yes, relationships. As our discussion continued one of the things expressed was how important it is to DTR. Commonly known as, to “Define The Relationship.” This has been a huge topic of discussion lately with a lot of people that I know, and it has been talked about a lot with many Catholic speakers.
Why is it important? Well, let’s be real, how many times have you over thought a relationship or friendship because you don’t know where you were or what to “label” yourselves as. Are we boyfriend and girlfriend? Are we just friends? Am I being pursued? Or sometimes it could be not knowing what/where you are in your friendship. But it’s not just important for those reasons.
We need to learn how to be intentional and authentic with what we say and do.
It’s so easy to get your attention/relationship desires mixed up. And especially as a woman I’ve experienced this, I get it. We are relational and emotional human beings, we desire to be noticed and to be loved, to have that “deep soul relationship with another” that ultimately reflects God’s love and relationship with you. But within that desire that we all have, men and women, we to be careful of where it takes us. One of the reasons so many young adults or youth want to “Define The Relationship” is because there are so many mixed signals flying everywhere – that gets people confused.
We need to be careful of what we say or do, because our actions can say different things than what we actually mean.
When my friends and I were discussing this, the topic of flirting came up. One of them even pulled up the definition of flirting and it says this: “FLIRTING: to behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather then serious intentions.” WAIT, WHAT!? When I heard that definition I was so surprised. It made me really reflect on my intentions with others. Were there times that I did this? The answer sadly is yes. And at those moments, I wasn’t seeking out good, solid, holy relationships. I was seeking attention. But here’s what I’ve learned:
Friendships vs./& relationships
- In both friendships and relationships, our desire should be being friends and desiring them to get to heaven. We should call each other onto holiness.
- We always need good and holy people of the opposite gender to teach us what we need or desire in our future spouse.
- You also need people of your own gender to show you who you are called to be and help form you as a man or women of God.
- Both women AND men need encouragement and affirmation.
So if you’re confused. Be Bold.
Guard hearts y’all.
BE SATISFIED WITH ME
Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But to a Christian, God says, “No, not until you are satisfied,
Fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me.
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with me alone.
Discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship,
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united to another
Until you are united with me.
Exclusive of anyone or anything else.
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow me to give you
The most thrilling plan existing . . . one you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best.
Please allow me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.
Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.
Just wait, that’s all.
Don’t be anxious, don’t worry
Don’t look around at things others have gotten
Or that I have given them
Don’t look around at the things you think you want,
Just keep looking off and away up to me,
Or you’ll miss what I want to show you.
And then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love
Far more wonderful than you could dream of.
You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready,
I am working even at this moment
To have both of you ready at the same time.
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with me
And the life I’ve prepared for you,
You won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me.
And this is perfect love.
And, dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love.
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me.
And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union
Of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love you utterly.
For I am God. Believe it and be satisfied.
– St. Anthony of Padua
Song stuck in my head: Spirit Break Out – Kim Walker-Smith